A DREAM THAT LEFT ME RATTLED

 A few nights ago I had a dream that really woke me up feelings rattled and feeling all sorts of sad emotion. I often have very vivid dreams and this one was no different.

The details of the setting was hard to pinpoint. This is what I remember exactly. I was walking into my house with my son and my dad. I was older but I dont know how old, my son was about the age he is now and my dad was a younger version of himself, he looked about the age he was when I was born.

We were smiling, there was a happiness surrounding us. Just a giant euphoric feelings. We were talking about death. I was dying, specifically, I was dying that night, I knew it, my son knew it and so did my dad. We were talking about it, how we knew as soon as I drifted off to sleep that night that would be it. We were talking about it in a happy way, smiling.

I remember saying how it’s going to be strange to live my life all over again. How when I went to bed, I would wake to be a newborn again and relive my entire life over again. I said I wonder how long it would take to remember everything I already lived. What age would I start to remember my dad, my mom, my brother, sister and my son.  I was excited to re-live my childhood. Re-live all the firsts in my life. Then suddenly, my dad said…you wont remember. You wont remember any of it.

A sadness came down. Completely overshadowing that happiness and euphoria that once filled the room. I was confused. I would forget who I was? I would forget everyone? I looked over at my son and said, I’ll forget my son and every moment we spent together? He said yes, thats how it works.

I started to cry and only thing I remember was the dream starting to fade to black, like the end of a movie and the next thing I knew was I woke up suddenly gasping for air, shaking and realizing it was only a dream.

I thought about the dream for the last few days trying to figure out what it meant. Maybe it was a reminder that we dont know what happens when we die. We dont know how much time we truly have. That we need to be fully grateful for each day because it’s a blessing. Living each day to the fullest to the best of our ability. 

One feeling that I have, I could be wrong…maybe when we have Deja Vu, it actually is something we have lived before and for a brief moment a part of that memory was unlocked. 

I know the last month I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and depression which is getting better day by day. I know that often when I am going through these periods of time I have very odd or unexplainable dreams. This one just really hit me hard.