life of losso.

When the sun sets and it starts to become dark, always remember, it will rise and become light again. Darkness can be scary. Not just physical darkness but internal darkness. It wont be dark forever. You might view your path out of the dark as blocked…but trust me there is a way out. It may not happen over night but it will happen. I try to remind myself on a daily basis…if you feel you have hit rock bottom or even found the basement of rock bottom, the only direction you can go from there is up. We will go through difficult times. We will be hurt. We will be scared. We will think that we can’t keep going…but we can and we will. You cannot quit. You have to keep going. You are stronger than you know. You owe it to yourself to keep going. The sun WILL shine again.  

  One thing I have started to work on is saying “no” when I know how I will feel if I was to say “yes” to it. The power of “no” is an extremely underrated tool.   This morning, I feel a little anxious BUT I know how much more anxious I would feel this morning had I said “yes” to having a few drinks after our softball game last night. I was asked a couple of hours prior to the game if I planned on having a few after the game. It was a gorgeous evening yesterday and sure, relaxing outside in the nice weather after a game with a cold one sounded appealing but I declined.  Why? With the help and conversations with a couple of friends lately, who know what I am really going through recently. I know and have made the decision that when I am going through these bouts of anxiety/depression and Im not exactly in the right state of mind that I shouldn’t drink. You see I don’t have a drinking problem or an addiction but when I am feeling anxious or depressed and my mind is racing, alcohol will el

  A few nights ago I had a dream that really woke me up feelings rattled and feeling all sorts of sad emotion. I often have very vivid dreams and this one was no different. The details of the setting was hard to pinpoint. This is what I remember exactly. I was walking into my house with my son and my dad. I was older but I dont know how old, my son was about the age he is now and my dad was a younger version of himself, he looked about the age he was when I was born. We were smiling, there was a happiness surrounding us. Just a giant euphoric feelings. We were talking about death. I was dying, specifically, I was dying that night, I knew it, my son knew it and so did my dad. We were talking about it, how we knew as soon as I drifted off to sleep that night that would be it. We were talking about it in a happy way, smiling. I remember saying how it’s going to be strange to live my life all over again. How when I went to bed, I would wake to be a newborn again and relive my entire life o

  Many of us were raised with the mentality that men shouldn’t show emotion, men dont cry, men keep everything inside. Well, I will say firsthand, that is complete and utter bullshit. Not just from personal experience but from statistics. Statistics from 2021 show that the suicide rate for men is 4 times higher than woman. 4 TIMES! Do you still think bottling up your emotions and feelings is a positive practice? Let me tell you. Crying is normal. Being emotional is normal. It’s a natural occurrence in the body. Crying is a release. The problem is men were taught to hold all of this in. Which in turn builds up and builds up and you are now a ticking time bomb.  Depression and Anxiety is painful. It’s not fun, its not glamorous. In this era where social media has taken over the world we have even been taught to post the highlight reel of life. Why? To give people a false perception of life? Do you know what posting only the highlight reel does? For anyone who is going through a hard time

  I thought about doing the generic intro post for this but its been done, its tired and quite honestly, I dont want to do it. I want to do a better job at journaling. I enjoy writing. Whether it’s to entertain, educate, relate and etc. For me it’s an outlet to get my feelings out. When dealing with mental health, I often feel trapped with so many feelings inside. I like to share my feelings for a couple of reasons. 1. It’s a huge relief even if it’s only temporary and 2. I know there are so many others out there with feelings like mine and I want them to know that they are not alone in those feelings and if that can help someone then its worth every word I share. Some people get uncomfortable when others talk openly about mental health struggles. I get it but this is bigger than you and your comfort. If you feel uncomfortable then simply do not read it, I wont judge you for that. Yesterday I got to work and I had a millions things going on in my head and I needed to write them out and